Here is a brief guide to how you can be a better “Active Listener”:

Use incomplete questions.
You can do a better job of drawing a person out by asking ‘incomplete’ questions that let the speaker ‘fill in the blanks’ with whatever s/he wishes to say. For example, you can start a question by saying something like this:

• “So, if I hear you right, you are saying…….”, or

• “Then, is it actually a matter of…?”

Try using ‘bubble’ questions
To get a person to elaborate on an idea, you can use a, ‘bubble’ question to ‘bubble’ their words back to them. Used carefully and sparingly, this can be very effective. Just don’t fall into a pattern of using this in conversation or you can become annoying. Here are an examples of the ‘bubble’ technique:

• “Everything is going wrong today!”
• “Everything?”
• “Yeah. First I get a flat tire on the highway. Then, just my luck, Mr. Jones sees me get in at 9.45 and chews me out. I guess that’s why I’m tense.”

Avoid using ‘closed’ questions
‘Closed’ questions can usually be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” or some other brief statement. Closed questions tend not to encourage extended conversations, and so are not very effective during active listening. For example:

• “How many weeks has this been going on?”
• “Do you think this situation has been getting worse lately?”

Avoid Questions that ask “why?”
‘Why’ questions can put people on the defensive – an effect that can rapidly put an end to the active listening process!While ‘why’ questions can be very helpful in getting to the root of the problem, they should be avoided when the point of the conversation is to elicit feelings and build rapport.

Don’t ask too many questions
The basic rule for questioning in active listening is: Use questions sparingly.
You don’t want to make the speaker feel that they are undergoing an inquisition! Vary your responses, alternating between questions and clarifying comments. Let the speaker know that you accept them and care about their thoughts and feelings.